You learn that God’s plan can be different from your plan. I never really understood that until I experienced true heartbreak.
I was 16 years old when I began having feelings for my first real boyfriend. We started out as good friends, but we both became aware that we had strong feelings for one another. I felt that this guy was “the one.” He was everything to me, but our relationship was toxic. Instead of looking to God, I looked to “him.” We acted as though God was the center of our relationship, but I think we both knew deep down that wasn’t true.
We were together for almost 3 years when we broke up. Once we were separated, I started to see the things I was doing wrong. My heart was completely broken, but it took a tough breakup to show me I was idolizing “him.” God rescued me from that heartbreak. My relationship with God and my family grew so much during that time. I was finally truly happy for the first time.
It’s been a year since the breakup and I am now married to the most amazing man! Once I made God first in my life, He opened doors I never thought would open. God’s plan is ALWAYS better than your own. I’m thankful that God has shown me so much grace, in all areas of my life.
Next week I’ll be sharing the story of how my hubby and I came to be!
Starting in middle school, I began to see the difference between other girls and myself. I slowly lost my self confidence, by the 10th grade I was very depressed. My illness made me feel less than other girls. I used to envy the girls who society said was “perfect.” I was too immature to see that beauty doesn’t define perfection, because only Jesus is perfection.
My depression started because of low self esteem. I felt because of my scars, I wasn’t good enough. It eventually became a deeper issue. My body, mind, and heart wasn’t good enough; or so I felt. I could find every “flaw” in myself. I would stand in the shower with that razor blade, but never cut. I would stare at that pill bottle, but never attempted suicide. I came to the realization, as I matured, that I was being selfish. The bible says that my body is a temple, so how could I damage my body? How could I take myself away from my loved ones?
God gave my heart acceptance and peace. Acceptance, I accepted that I am different, because of my illness, but in a good way. Peace, my heart needed peace to accept the truth. I am the daughter of a King. Jesus died on the cross for MY sins, He knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb. God brought me through my darkest moments, I am thankful for His grace.
God has shown me so much grace, even though I’m undeserving, and because of that I want to be the salt; just as God calls us to be. I would love for you to join me on the adventures of my life as I learn to be a military wife while struggling with cystic fibrosis.
In 1994 my parents found out they were expecting. Nine months later, I was born blue and purple, and not breathing. I was immediately life-flighted to a better hospital. My parents were told I wouldn’t survive through the flight, but God had other plans. After three months in the NICU, I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis (CF).
CF is a life-threatening illness that affects the lungs and pancreas. CF causes our lungs to develop infections while our pancreas doesn’t digest food properly. People with CF spend hours a day just doing treatments. Despite the many treatments and infections, I lived a healthy (considering) and happy childhood.
God shown my family grace, even though we are sinners and undeserving. Twenty years later, He is still showing us grace. Come back here February 4th for more of my testimony.
Xoxo – Em