You. 

To my sweet sesame seed,
A year ago today you went to be with the Lord. We knew about you for six days before you left. Those six days were some of the happiest days of my life. Knowing that your daddy & I created you. Would you have been a boy or a girl (mommy & daddy think you were a girl)? Would you have daddy’s dimples? Mommy’s brown eyes? You were my sesame seed (which was how big you were when God called you home). You would be four months old now, I often imagine how life would be with you here. You have Emmett with you now, I bet he’s sitting next to you as I type this. Mommy & daddy love you more than we could ever express. We will hold you one day! 

10% of pregnancies (at 3-6 weeks) end in miscarriage. I lost our baby at five weeks, we found out we were expecting at four weeks. Something I have noticed is women who miscarry so early, are afraid to talk about it. Ladies, there is no need to be afraid. For some, talking about their loss worsens the pain; I completely understand & respect that. For me, talking is my way of dealing with loss. By talking about my miscarriage, I have been able to tell many women they aren’t alone. I have been able to share the love of Christ with them. I have been comforted by knowing my baby is in Heaven. He/she is being rocked to sleep by the Ultimate Comforter. 

*I am sharing part of my experience below*

I remember my experience so vividly. I had an appointment sheduled with my Cystic Fibrosis team two days after I started miscarrying. Before I could even say “I had a faint positive test” they immediately said could you be pregnant? We did the necessary blood work along with some normal CF testing that was needed. I got the call two days later (it was a weekend) & I heard “I’m so sorry Emily, it was a miscarriage.” Deep down I knew because I had already passed everything. But hearing the words made me numb. 

Ladies, you are NOT alone. Your feelings are important. Take comfort in knowing that our God is the Ultimate Healer & Comforter. We must go through the storm in order to receive the rainbow. 

Xoxo, Em

Angel. 

There is a day every year I will always dread, Mother’s Day. 

  March of this year I was making the long trip from California to Oklahoma. I couldn’t figure out why I was so car sick, it usually isn’t too bad. Well, two days after I got to Oklahoma my husband and I found out we were going to have a baby! The excitement we felt was incredible, the love we felt for our baby was incredible, and the thought of our dream coming true was unreal. We shared our happy news with family and a few close friends, but the happiness we felt soon turned to loss and pain. At 5 weeks, we lost our sweet baby. We didn’t want to believe it; but after a visit with the doctors, vials of blood work done, and my husband holding me in the bathroom floor… did we realize our worst fear has become our reality. 

  March 22, 2016 our sweet baby went to Heaven. It hurts my heart knowing he/she didn’t see mommy and daddy’s faces first… but it brings me peace and happiness knowing when he/she opened those little eyes, the face of Jesus was there. 

My husband and I wanted to wait until we were emotionally ready to let the world know about our sweet baby. We know we will be greeted by him/her when we get to heaven. Rest in peace our sweet angel baby Shellman. 

Xoxo – Em