You. 

To my sweet sesame seed,
A year ago today you went to be with the Lord. We knew about you for six days before you left. Those six days were some of the happiest days of my life. Knowing that your daddy & I created you. Would you have been a boy or a girl (mommy & daddy think you were a girl)? Would you have daddy’s dimples? Mommy’s brown eyes? You were my sesame seed (which was how big you were when God called you home). You would be four months old now, I often imagine how life would be with you here. You have Emmett with you now, I bet he’s sitting next to you as I type this. Mommy & daddy love you more than we could ever express. We will hold you one day! 

10% of pregnancies (at 3-6 weeks) end in miscarriage. I lost our baby at five weeks, we found out we were expecting at four weeks. Something I have noticed is women who miscarry so early, are afraid to talk about it. Ladies, there is no need to be afraid. For some, talking about their loss worsens the pain; I completely understand & respect that. For me, talking is my way of dealing with loss. By talking about my miscarriage, I have been able to tell many women they aren’t alone. I have been able to share the love of Christ with them. I have been comforted by knowing my baby is in Heaven. He/she is being rocked to sleep by the Ultimate Comforter. 

*I am sharing part of my experience below*

I remember my experience so vividly. I had an appointment sheduled with my Cystic Fibrosis team two days after I started miscarrying. Before I could even say “I had a faint positive test” they immediately said could you be pregnant? We did the necessary blood work along with some normal CF testing that was needed. I got the call two days later (it was a weekend) & I heard “I’m so sorry Emily, it was a miscarriage.” Deep down I knew because I had already passed everything. But hearing the words made me numb. 

Ladies, you are NOT alone. Your feelings are important. Take comfort in knowing that our God is the Ultimate Healer & Comforter. We must go through the storm in order to receive the rainbow. 

Xoxo, Em

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Bezalel Artistry | his legacy

There is one reason I am who I am: our Father. 

When I came across the bible journaling community, my life changed. God revealed so much to me! Illustrating & painting throughout the bible is my way of worshipping God. Slowly, I started seeing things I needed to change. I found myself. The joy God filled me with was incredible! 

Bible journaling has blessed my life so much! God has laid on my heart (very heavily I might add) to share this blessing with others. Pretty things usually interest someone more, right? Well, they usually spark my interest LOL. When I read verses, I pick what they remind me of & I illustrate it on that page. It has helped my relationship with Christ blossom. 

“Then the LORD said to Moses, ‘See, I have chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of crafts. Moreover, I have appointed Oholiab son of Ahisamak, of the tribe of Dan, to help him. Also I have given ability to all the skilled workers to make everything I have commanded you: the tent of meeting, the ark of the covenant law with the atonement cover on it, and all the other furnishings of the tent the tableand its articles, the pure gold lampstand and all its accessories, the altar of incense, the altar of burnt offering and all its utensils, the basin with its stand and also the woven garments, both the sacred garments for Aaron the priest and the garments for his sons when they serve as priests,'” Exodus 31: 1-10

Bezalel was chosen by God & filled with His Spirit, giving Bezalel his artistic talent. The Spirit of God is usually linked to the act of creation. When we speak about Bezalel being given the Spirit, ultimately, we’re looking at the artistry of God. The creation of the world is God’s handiwork. Bezalel reminds us of the importance of art & beauty when connected to worship. Could Bezalel’s legacy be to inspire us to worship God with the talent He has given us? 

The story of Bezalel inspired me to share my way of worship. 

Bezalel Artistry | his legacy is the name of my newest adventure. I will be selling custom, hand painted bibles. I hand paint the outside cover of bibles, & go through the bible to illustrate verses. I have a few different options listed already in my Etsy shop! Within the next few weeks, I will be listing a few more options! 

Each bible is made with so much love, as this is my way of worshipping our Father. I pray each bible blesses you as much as it blesses me to create it for you!

Instagram | Facebook | Etsy Shop

^^ I have listed links to my shop along with Bezalel Artistry’s Instagram & Facebook pages. 



PS – I also am a distributor for Young Living Essential Oils. These oils have changed my life as well! If you’d like more information, please email me at bezalelartistry@yahoo.com

Xoxo, Em

Angel. 

There is a day every year I will always dread, Mother’s Day. 

  March of this year I was making the long trip from California to Oklahoma. I couldn’t figure out why I was so car sick, it usually isn’t too bad. Well, two days after I got to Oklahoma my husband and I found out we were going to have a baby! The excitement we felt was incredible, the love we felt for our baby was incredible, and the thought of our dream coming true was unreal. We shared our happy news with family and a few close friends, but the happiness we felt soon turned to loss and pain. At 5 weeks, we lost our sweet baby. We didn’t want to believe it; but after a visit with the doctors, vials of blood work done, and my husband holding me in the bathroom floor… did we realize our worst fear has become our reality. 

  March 22, 2016 our sweet baby went to Heaven. It hurts my heart knowing he/she didn’t see mommy and daddy’s faces first… but it brings me peace and happiness knowing when he/she opened those little eyes, the face of Jesus was there. 

My husband and I wanted to wait until we were emotionally ready to let the world know about our sweet baby. We know we will be greeted by him/her when we get to heaven. Rest in peace our sweet angel baby Shellman. 

Xoxo – Em

Stone cold. 

“I was your Amber, but now she’s your shade of gold.”

That one verse takes me back to my lowest place, I was “stone cold.” I had placed my happiness solely on a boy. My teenage girl mindset was to be happy, I needed to be in love. Other girls who were “in love” seemed so happy? Every girl wants that one boy to swoop in and save the day. 

At that point, I was already in a dark and vulnerable place. I thought I had found “that” boy; he encouraged me to keep going. He knew how dark my thoughts were. Slowly, I became “content” but never truly happy. It wasn’t until I lost that boy, that I could see I really wasn’t truly happy. 

The first couple of months after our relationship ended, I was shot straight into the darkest place I have ever been. During that time, I was also recovering from a major surgery, so I was on pain killers. The only way I could forget about the pain, not just physically but emotionally, was when I was medicated. I have never admitted this, mostly because of denial but also the shame I felt. These meds were the only thing that could keep me from crying; I was a mess, a pathetic mess. I hate showing vulnerability because so many people tell me I am “strong” and/or “inspirational”, their words not mine. How is escaping the darkness with medication strong?! 

Shortly after the breakup, this boy had moved on (they’re happy, my hubby and I are happy so no hard feelings). I remember feeling so betrayed, I thought he loved me? Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t; either way I made him my savior. I was so wrong, so so so wrong. This boy is only human, he isn’t perfect and neither am I. 

Jesus, my Lord and Savior is perfect. He will never let me down like some boy would. It was then I realized, I am someone’s “shade of gold,” Jesus’. 

“Do not make idols or set up an image or sacred stone for yourselves, and do not place a carved stone in your land to bow down before it. I am the LORD your God.” Leviticus 26:1 (NIV) 

Xoxo, Em