Starting in middle school, I began to see the difference between other girls and myself. I slowly lost my self confidence, by the 10th grade I was very depressed. My illness made me feel less than other girls. I used to envy the girls who society said was “perfect.” I was too immature to see that beauty doesn’t define perfection, because only Jesus is perfection.
My depression started because of low self esteem. I felt because of my scars, I wasn’t good enough. It eventually became a deeper issue. My body, mind, and heart wasn’t good enough; or so I felt. I could find every “flaw” in myself. I would stand in the shower with that razor blade, but never cut. I would stare at that pill bottle, but never attempted suicide. I came to the realization, as I matured, that I was being selfish. The bible says that my body is a temple, so how could I damage my body? How could I take myself away from my loved ones?
God gave my heart acceptance and peace. Acceptance, I accepted that I am different, because of my illness, but in a good way. Peace, my heart needed peace to accept the truth. I am the daughter of a King. Jesus died on the cross for MY sins, He knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb. God brought me through my darkest moments, I am thankful for His grace.