Desire. 

Everyone has something they desire. For as long as I can remember, my desire was to be a momma. As a child, I was obsessed with baby dolls. To me, they were real; I would care for them as if they were real. 

My love for dolls faded, once my mom had my youngest sister Addison. At 12, what better thing could a girl obsessed with her lifelike baby doll ask for? I’ve always felt that’s why I have a special bond with Addie; even now at almost 23, I tend to mother her and sometimes I don’t even realize it. 

Yesterday morning during a church service I attended, the pastor was telling a story about his 7 year old grandson. He went on to say that this child’s mom, after a very long summer juggling her other young children while her husband was away working at a church camp, did everything she could to help this little boy make a lemonade stand to raise money for a future church mission (I can’t remember exactly what it was). She could have easily made an excuse saying how exhausted she was, but instead she did everything she could to help her child do something God was calling him to do. That story, hit me so hard. I leaned over to my husband and said “that’s the kind of mom I want to be.” He looked at me and smiled. 

A couple of weeks ago, I began to have this excruciating pain in my right side. Me being my stubborn self, I waited 5 days to go to the emergency room. I couldn’t take the pain anymore, so to the ER my husband and I went. They told me I had a kidney stone that was about to cause a very serious kidney infection and it would have to be surgically removed ASAP. So they decided to do an ultrasound and found I had a cyst, bigger than a softball, on my left ovary. This cyst had a lump on it, which caused concern that it could be cancerous. The only way to remove this cyst with the concerning lump, would be to completely remove my left ovary and fallopian tube. I knew this was something that had to be done, so 48 hours later I was headed into the OR to have it removed. Once I was out of surgery, the surgeon told me she ended up doing much more than just removing my ovary. There was a “lump” or “boil” type thing on my kidney, so she removed that. She also found that I was “eat up” with endometriosis. The healing process hasn’t been the most pleasant since I had 20 staples and many stitches underneath the skin, but I’m thankful to be home with my family and getting my energy back slowly. 

I tell you these stories, to focus in on the word DESIRE. My desire is to be a momma, that desire strengthened when Addie was born. That desire strengthened when I got married. That desire strengthened when my husband and I seen the faint positive on a pregnancy test. That desire strengthened when I started to miscarry. That desire strengthened when I heard the words “I’m so sorry Emily, it was a miscarriage.” That desire strengthened when I heard that story at church. That desire strengthens every Mother’s Day, every March (the month I miscarried), every November (baby’s arrival month), every time I look at my nieces and nephew, every time I see a pregnancy announcement or birth announcement. 

This desire, almost seems impossible now that I have one ovary. With this news being so new, I’m still in that negative mindset. I try to stay positive, and I feel that I do a good job considering the things I have been through, but this time it seems to be more challenging. 

I share this for all the ladies in similar situations, with this desire to be a momma but it not happening the way you thought it would. Our God is the Ultimate Healer and the Ultimate Comforter, He is with you; always. With Him, all things are possible. The enemy has used this desire and my circumstances to fill my head with the negative. I pray God gives you peace in this time, and I pray that for myself as well. God is bigger! 

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14 


xoxo, Em

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You. 

To my sweet sesame seed,
A year ago today you went to be with the Lord. We knew about you for six days before you left. Those six days were some of the happiest days of my life. Knowing that your daddy & I created you. Would you have been a boy or a girl (mommy & daddy think you were a girl)? Would you have daddy’s dimples? Mommy’s brown eyes? You were my sesame seed (which was how big you were when God called you home). You would be four months old now, I often imagine how life would be with you here. You have Emmett with you now, I bet he’s sitting next to you as I type this. Mommy & daddy love you more than we could ever express. We will hold you one day! 

10% of pregnancies (at 3-6 weeks) end in miscarriage. I lost our baby at five weeks, we found out we were expecting at four weeks. Something I have noticed is women who miscarry so early, are afraid to talk about it. Ladies, there is no need to be afraid. For some, talking about their loss worsens the pain; I completely understand & respect that. For me, talking is my way of dealing with loss. By talking about my miscarriage, I have been able to tell many women they aren’t alone. I have been able to share the love of Christ with them. I have been comforted by knowing my baby is in Heaven. He/she is being rocked to sleep by the Ultimate Comforter. 

*I am sharing part of my experience below*

I remember my experience so vividly. I had an appointment sheduled with my Cystic Fibrosis team two days after I started miscarrying. Before I could even say “I had a faint positive test” they immediately said could you be pregnant? We did the necessary blood work along with some normal CF testing that was needed. I got the call two days later (it was a weekend) & I heard “I’m so sorry Emily, it was a miscarriage.” Deep down I knew because I had already passed everything. But hearing the words made me numb. 

Ladies, you are NOT alone. Your feelings are important. Take comfort in knowing that our God is the Ultimate Healer & Comforter. We must go through the storm in order to receive the rainbow. 

Xoxo, Em

Don’t. 

Recently I came across a video posted by Bethel, a church here in California. The video was titled “Words You Don’t Hear God Say.” This three minute video touched my heart so deeply and connected me to truth. I feel led to share one of the examples with you all:

Words You Don’t Hear God Say

  • “I expected you to do better”

God knows all things. What I was taught as a child was this: God knows what you are going to do, before you do it. He knows what you are going to think, before you think it. God gives us two paths to choose from; the right path and the wrong path. God knows which path we will choose when we are presented with the decision. The enemy is going to attack us no matter the path we choose. Personally, I feel the enemy attacks with more force when I choose the right path. Thankfully as Christians, we have a God that is the Ultimate Encourager! 

God doesn’t expect us to measure up. If He thought we could, He wouldn’t have sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins. There is always going to be a gap between His perfection and our sinfulness. You have to put your faith in Him, receive Him into your life. You are precious in His eyes. You are His, and He loves you unconditionally despite of that gap. 


This is dedicated to the girl who hasn’t yet realized she a princess, her Father is the King of Kings! Straighten that crown, princess, and walk away like a boss. 

XOXO, Em 

Bezalel Artistry | his legacy

There is one reason I am who I am: our Father. 

When I came across the bible journaling community, my life changed. God revealed so much to me! Illustrating & painting throughout the bible is my way of worshipping God. Slowly, I started seeing things I needed to change. I found myself. The joy God filled me with was incredible! 

Bible journaling has blessed my life so much! God has laid on my heart (very heavily I might add) to share this blessing with others. Pretty things usually interest someone more, right? Well, they usually spark my interest LOL. When I read verses, I pick what they remind me of & I illustrate it on that page. It has helped my relationship with Christ blossom. 

“Then the LORD said to Moses, ‘See, I have chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of crafts. Moreover, I have appointed Oholiab son of Ahisamak, of the tribe of Dan, to help him. Also I have given ability to all the skilled workers to make everything I have commanded you: the tent of meeting, the ark of the covenant law with the atonement cover on it, and all the other furnishings of the tent the tableand its articles, the pure gold lampstand and all its accessories, the altar of incense, the altar of burnt offering and all its utensils, the basin with its stand and also the woven garments, both the sacred garments for Aaron the priest and the garments for his sons when they serve as priests,'” Exodus 31: 1-10

Bezalel was chosen by God & filled with His Spirit, giving Bezalel his artistic talent. The Spirit of God is usually linked to the act of creation. When we speak about Bezalel being given the Spirit, ultimately, we’re looking at the artistry of God. The creation of the world is God’s handiwork. Bezalel reminds us of the importance of art & beauty when connected to worship. Could Bezalel’s legacy be to inspire us to worship God with the talent He has given us? 

The story of Bezalel inspired me to share my way of worship. 

Bezalel Artistry | his legacy is the name of my newest adventure. I will be selling custom, hand painted bibles. I hand paint the outside cover of bibles, & go through the bible to illustrate verses. I have a few different options listed already in my Etsy shop! Within the next few weeks, I will be listing a few more options! 

Each bible is made with so much love, as this is my way of worshipping our Father. I pray each bible blesses you as much as it blesses me to create it for you!

Instagram | Facebook | Etsy Shop

^^ I have listed links to my shop along with Bezalel Artistry’s Instagram & Facebook pages. 



PS – I also am a distributor for Young Living Essential Oils. These oils have changed my life as well! If you’d like more information, please email me at bezalelartistry@yahoo.com

Xoxo, Em

Angel. 

There is a day every year I will always dread, Mother’s Day. 

  March of this year I was making the long trip from California to Oklahoma. I couldn’t figure out why I was so car sick, it usually isn’t too bad. Well, two days after I got to Oklahoma my husband and I found out we were going to have a baby! The excitement we felt was incredible, the love we felt for our baby was incredible, and the thought of our dream coming true was unreal. We shared our happy news with family and a few close friends, but the happiness we felt soon turned to loss and pain. At 5 weeks, we lost our sweet baby. We didn’t want to believe it; but after a visit with the doctors, vials of blood work done, and my husband holding me in the bathroom floor… did we realize our worst fear has become our reality. 

  March 22, 2016 our sweet baby went to Heaven. It hurts my heart knowing he/she didn’t see mommy and daddy’s faces first… but it brings me peace and happiness knowing when he/she opened those little eyes, the face of Jesus was there. 

My husband and I wanted to wait until we were emotionally ready to let the world know about our sweet baby. We know we will be greeted by him/her when we get to heaven. Rest in peace our sweet angel baby Shellman. 

Xoxo – Em

Wifey. 

Today marks 9 months of being Jordan’s wife! I have become a better woman since obtaining the title of “wife.” So in honor of our 9 month “marriage-versary,” here are 9 things I’ve learned the past 9 months:

  1. learning to love him                             After watching how he ticks for a few weeks, I noticed how I can show my love for him best. Touch & talk; he likes to be reminded on how much I love him. Just a simple kiss on the cheek can turn his day around. 
  2. respecting him                                   Every marriage needs respect. Respecting him boosts his self-esteem, just like it would for any man. When I respect him, he respects me. Just like the saying goes, “treat others the way you wish to be treated.”
  3. being trustworthy                                   He needs to know his spouse can be trusted. He has trusted me with his heart. I need to handle it with care. 
  4. making his burdens, my burdens             He needs someone who can be a listening ear. With his line of work, being in the Marine Corps, things can be emotionally draining. I’m here to hold his hand during the tough times. 
  5. be encouraging to him                 Everyone needs some encouragement from time to time. During his deployments, he needs daily encouragement, as do I. By God’s grace, I am blessed to be his daily encouragement. 
  6. forgiving him                           Forgiveness helps a marriage thrive. After a long day he may say something out of anger, just like me. I need to have a forgiving heart, just as he does, to keep our marriage thriving. 
  7. being compassionate                                  As his wife, I am called to show him compassion. To wipe his tears away and always pray for him. 
  8. staying a content wife                           There’s no need for complaining, although the both of us do it. Less talk and more prayer can keep our hearts content. We need to focus on things of the Lord and not things of this world. 
  9. be a praying wife                                          I feel this is the most important thing I’ve learned. God is in control, we need to fully trust His plan. Since I’m a military wife, things change within minutes. It causes stress on my husband, myself, and our marriage. Praying for my husband daily lowers our stress levels. We know that our Heavenly Father will never abandon us.  

Jordan makes me a better person. We try to keep God in the center of our marriage, and I feel that is why we have such a strong and happy marriage. It is all by the grace of God. 

I want to be a wife who shines the light of Jesus into my home. 

Xoxo, Em 

 

Stone cold. 

“I was your Amber, but now she’s your shade of gold.”

That one verse takes me back to my lowest place, I was “stone cold.” I had placed my happiness solely on a boy. My teenage girl mindset was to be happy, I needed to be in love. Other girls who were “in love” seemed so happy? Every girl wants that one boy to swoop in and save the day. 

At that point, I was already in a dark and vulnerable place. I thought I had found “that” boy; he encouraged me to keep going. He knew how dark my thoughts were. Slowly, I became “content” but never truly happy. It wasn’t until I lost that boy, that I could see I really wasn’t truly happy. 

The first couple of months after our relationship ended, I was shot straight into the darkest place I have ever been. During that time, I was also recovering from a major surgery, so I was on pain killers. The only way I could forget about the pain, not just physically but emotionally, was when I was medicated. I have never admitted this, mostly because of denial but also the shame I felt. These meds were the only thing that could keep me from crying; I was a mess, a pathetic mess. I hate showing vulnerability because so many people tell me I am “strong” and/or “inspirational”, their words not mine. How is escaping the darkness with medication strong?! 

Shortly after the breakup, this boy had moved on (they’re happy, my hubby and I are happy so no hard feelings). I remember feeling so betrayed, I thought he loved me? Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t; either way I made him my savior. I was so wrong, so so so wrong. This boy is only human, he isn’t perfect and neither am I. 

Jesus, my Lord and Savior is perfect. He will never let me down like some boy would. It was then I realized, I am someone’s “shade of gold,” Jesus’. 

“Do not make idols or set up an image or sacred stone for yourselves, and do not place a carved stone in your land to bow down before it. I am the LORD your God.” Leviticus 26:1 (NIV) 

Xoxo, Em